so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
