so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
