You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
