oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
