My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
