1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
