Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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