Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
