she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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