I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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