apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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