Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
