It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
