Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
