I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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