now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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