I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
