Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
