did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
BRING THE BAGELS
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
