I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
