his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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