Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
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Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!