Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

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(212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.

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(203): She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock. http://tfl.nu/zr1r

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(815): View more from Illinois

I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen

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(815): I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen http://tfl.nu/dsay

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(559): View more from California

So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best

(310): View more from California

and??

(559): View more from California

Cake is only good when you eat it

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(559): So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best (310): and?? (559): Cake is only good when you eat it http://tfl.nu/ifoq

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(216): View more from Ohio

So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab

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(216): So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab http://tfl.nu/z45l

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(541): View more from Oregon

its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.

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(541): its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again. http://tfl.nu/0bz7

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(206): View more from Washington

i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.

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(206): i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate. http://tfl.nu/mwsu

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(516): View more from New York

She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass

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(516): She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass http://tfl.nu/tdnt

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(613): View more from Ontario

If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.

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(613): If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough. http://tfl.nu/noke

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(210): View more from Texas

I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job

(917): View more from New York City

You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.

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(210): I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job (917): You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth. http://tfl.nu/dvgd

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.

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(910): I just made Jack Daniels snow cones. http://tfl.nu/ca8x

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(214): View more from Texas

We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now

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(214): We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now http://tfl.nu/hu2y

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(434): View more from Virginia

A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!

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(434): A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!! http://tfl.nu/y0d6

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(989): View more from Michigan

Let's paint friendship bongs

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(989): Let's paint friendship bongs http://tfl.nu/nm34

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"

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(262): In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it" http://tfl.nu/19mj

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