I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've blown a few things in my day
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops