i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
