my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.