How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.