My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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