i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.