do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.