the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
