I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize