He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
