she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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