my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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