i think my tv is drunk
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
