is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
