What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
50% drunk capacity currently
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
