I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
