I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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