you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
