I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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