I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize