My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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