He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
