I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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