Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if you like me you must not know who I am
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
