dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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