i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
