You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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