He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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