My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
