You smell like stripper and shame
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
