he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize