She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
