Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
