Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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