It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
