i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sext me about skeletons
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
