I hope mine doesn't look like that
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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