As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
