That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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