i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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