What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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