just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
