so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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