Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
