Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
