No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
