We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
