I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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