hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
