someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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