i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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