I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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