I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
